I was 5 days past my due date, enormous and extremely swollen. I am a very small person and it looked as if my baby weighed over 8 lbs with a huge head. He was very high up and never dropped but the placenta was deteriorating so they induced me with pitocin at 11:30 - I had strong contractions and my water broke within 2 hours. At that point I was having incredibly strong contractions one right after the other with absolutely no time in between and I called for the epidural. I did not feel like I was far along in my labor at that point.
I forced the nurse to turn down the amount of pitocin she was giving me. I was about 4 or 5 cm dilated when I got the epidural. The baby was still too high, but I had to be in the bed from that point. They cranked the pitocen back up and by 6 pm I was 10 cm dilated. They told me to push and I did for one hour and 1/2. The baby made no progress. I could tell from my end too. They performed the c-section and found my son had been facing the wrong way - his face was smashed up by being pushed so hard into my pelvic bone. He did have a big head - he was not coming out that way - at least not faced that way. I was very grateful to have a c-section with no complications and a healthy son and I will always be grateful for that.
The Doctor had told me I was a very poor candidate for vbac because she felt I had a small and crooked pelvis. She said I had a 20% chance. I got a second opinion who also said I was not a good vbac candidate and that it was not safe to attempt if the baby had not dropped by 39 weeks and that I should schedule a c-section. My original Doc was fine with me trying to have the vbac if I did not go over my due date but she was not hopeful. At my 39 week appt. my Doc said the baby was still high, but lower and that my cervix was about 3 cm dilated and 50% effaced so she stripped my membranes and said she thought she would see me later that night.
That night at 10 I started timing the contractions - I guessed things were happening and I was right. They were coming every 3 to 6 minutes for an hour. I called my Mother and asked her to come over to spend the night with Noah. She gave me a really hard time about it though. I mean, I knew what was happening. I was starting to leak some pink goo and the contractions were strong and close together. She informed me that if I was chatting with her and having those contractions then it wasn't time to go to the hospital. Well, that really did it for me. I went upstairs and took a shower. I had already had a glass of wine at dinner - so I think that's why the contractions were not bothering me as much as they might have - plus I was breathing and relaxing through them. I should have gone to the hospital when my parents arrived at 11:20 - but instead I sat around watching tv and even went to lay down in bed at 12:30. Everyone else was asleep!!! Can you believe it? My husband knows how close together my contractions are and just because I'm not hysterical everyone assumes this can't be it. So at 12:30 I am lying there thinking that maybe I'll get a little sleep before I have to go. Yeah, right.
At 1 I wake up in so much pain I realize I should be at the hospital already. I tell Andrew, "we have to go NOW" and I wake my parents and say that we are leaving and my Mother has the nerve to say, how do you feel. I say, "I'm in pain, are you happy?" and leave. I tell Andrew to call the Dr. 'NOW', and when she calls back, I'm in so much pain I can't talk to her. So, you know what stage we are in already - and we are in my driveway and the hospital is 20 minutes away. But, now it is 1:15 am so there is not much traffic. It is a Tuesday after all. So Andrew drives us to St. Joseph while I relax through the contractions. He drops me off at the emergency ward as he is supposed to and goes to park. I need to sit down every time I have a contraction.
Between the time the man comes and asks me if I need a wheelchair (and I say no) and the time we actually start heading upstairs (maybe 5 minutes max) I need a wheelchair. I can't stand during contractions at all no matter what at this point. By the time I get into the room I am getting very upset if anyone even talks while I'm having a contraction because my only relief is completely relaxing every single muscle in my body (aside from my uterus) and breating deeply. The nurse starts asking me a million questions and she hooks me up to the loud monitor that is my baby's heartbeat. And, of course, as soon as I have a contraction and the belt is moved by it, you can't hear a heartbeat. So, I am frantic to have them turn the sound off on the thing. She has already started off scaring me, saying that she thinks the heart rate is dipping when I have contractions (which is ridiculous based on a belt monitor!) and then when she sees I had a c-section she asks if I understand the risks of attempting a vbac! Argh. I tell Andrew to have a chat with her about getting a positive attitude.
Then I start begging for an epidural. It's probably about 1:50 by this time - if not 2 am already. I am shaking uncontrollably and shivering. She tells me the following things: We need to get you all checked in. WHAT? I thought I pre-registered. Hmmm. Right. She says I need to have blood drawn to figure out if I can get an epidural. Argh. Hurry please. Then she asks what I have had to eat in the last few hours. Ha ha. Do you have half an hour for us to list the eight million things I had for dinner? Well. Now I realize what labor is all about. I hear and feel the pop and my water breaks. I say that I am 100% sure my water just broke. It's funny because I say this as if no one believed I was in labor before. I think I just want them to know that they need to hurry with the drugs and that the messy stuff has started and that they could check now if they need to know that things are going as they should. When they check me, I am 6cm dilated. That sounds fine to me. I am just waiting for my epidural. But each time I am having a contraction I am praying - and I am telling myself, "you can do it, it's almost over" and then one ends and Andrew says, "good job, you are doing great" and I am thinking to myself that I am doing great. When the next contraction comes it is the same thing, tightening and lots of pressure down low - almost like I need to sh*t - and at the most painful - the unbearable pain that makes me moan in agony (while I force all muscles to relax) that worst part only lasts a few seconds - maybe 5 or 10 at most - the rest of the contraction is okay and then there is a minute of peace - of no pain. I'm lying there just waiting for the epidural.
I look up wondering when they are even going to get an IV in me. I am lying on my side - just lying so still and telling myself how great I'm doing - Andrew is even getting a cold washcloth for my forehead which I hold over my eyes and appreciate greatly. From the minute I arrived in the room I was shaking uncontrolably already and asked for the heat to be turned up a little. I was already in transition I am sure. When my Doc. arrives she is wary - she doesn't know what will happen with me. If I will need a c-section or what. It is probably 2:30 am at this point. She checks me and I am 8 cm dilated. Wow!! I think to myself that I have done great, but I wonder where the heck my drugs are. I'm sure I ask for them between every contraction. When the nurse puts my IV in she says that I may not get stadol because the baby seems sleepy. Ha! Give me some drugs, b**h! I don't say anything - I am too focused on relaxing and breathing and PRAYING!
Suddenly the nurse says - are you feeling any pressure? Um, yeah. I have been feeling ten tons of pressure on my anus for a while now. She checks me and says with glee - you may push when you want. WHAT? Um, hey, where the heck is my epidural? Suddenly I realize that I'm not going to get an epidural. Even though I don't think I show this emotion on my face, somewhere deep inside of me I laugh. I can't believe it. Somewhere inside me, this is a joke and it is hysterically funny. I am going to have a baby now and I didn't get my epidural. Wow. That's funny. They do adminster stadol into my IV and I experience - ahhhhh. Contractions are not so bad. I even say outloud - that I don't need an epidural now that I have stadol. Ha ha, as if anyone was ever going to give me an epidural.
Since I have been told I can push, Andrew runs out to get the Doc. But, I am a little high at this point and I start pushing with just the nurse there. The Doc acts annoyed that Andrew is bothering her when she was in the room checking me 5 minutes before. But he gets her to come in and she and him have even missed my first pushes. Well, I have been told I may push, so I start pushing. Doc Maynard checks me as if the crazy nurse might have told me to push before I was ready or something and she even says that this doesn't mean the baby is really coming out this way. The nurse however, was all about being positive now. The nurse even says that the head is down and that the baby is faced the right way. She even says, "you can do it." She smiles at me and says: "You are going to do this."
My Doc is still skeptical. That is written all over her face. And suddenly I realize - hey, I have no epidural and I'm pushing - but you know, I don't have that "strong urge to push" I mean, I'm happy to push - it's better than lying on your side and relaxing your muscles - in fact - as I push the first two or three times I do actually poop everything out of myself and that feels SOOOO good. I am so happy to get rid of that. But, I say, "hey - since I can feel everything - can I just wait to push until I feel the urge?" I think the Doc is thinking - 'damn this hippy crap and this woman with no epidural who didn't let me schedule her c-section.' But, it has only been 5 minutes since I started pushing so they kind of shrug. And sure enough. The urge. I don't even feel an urge. I feel the baby decide to come out. I actually feel her move down and I have to push - I couldn't stop myself at this point. And everyone says, "hey... look at all that hair" - but you know me, before I even got past my second push as soon as I saw my Doc I was saying - can't you give me some shots down there so I won't feel it when she comes out. So I have no idea that her head is kind of right there and Andrew is just kind of standing there. He doesn't want to look down there (at all that dark hair, my Doc is saying) - he has no expression on his face and it wouldn't matter anyway because I'm just responding to this impossible demand that I must push - there she comes. I scream a little and her head is out. I'm not thinking - I am an animal - my thinking brain is off. I don't have to be told anything, I am not hearing anything and my body is working miracles. I push again and it is insane. I feel her body open my pelvis - I scream and mean business now as she comes through my pelvis because this is the most amazing feeling I have ever felt in my life. I don't scream in pain - I scream in wonder. How can my body - my bones - be opening like that???? And, there is my child - she is there and I see her and I did it!!!!!!
I reach my arms out to her but the dumb nurse is trying to clean her and cut the cord. Give me my baby!!! Andrew says - you can clean her on Amy - YES - please - I am reaching out to her and finally the crabby baby nurse puts her on me to clean her - I don't want to let her go - but crabby baby nurse lady (who just showed up at this point - and I didn't invite her) tries to take the baby over to be under a light or some such - Give her back to me!!! Andrew gets her back for me and I hold her for awhile. I realize that I don't really hurt anywhere - and the Doc is sewing up a little tear and is kind of still amazed at the vbac she just witnessed. It was beautiful and amazing and if I had only gone to the hospital when I had wanted to in the first place I would have had my epidural probably and then the nurse wouldn't have made me get up immediately and pee for her. Hmmm. That wasn't easy. But, I am just in awe. This birth was the most incredible and most painful experience of my life. And I loved seeing her - she was born at 2:51 am and she was a beauty.
I am so glad I tried to do it because I did it. I spent a lot of time imagining the birth as I wanted to experience it and telling myself I could do it. But, honestly, I doubted it because I had been told my chances were slim and I was very much at peace with the possibility of a c-section. Of course I prefer the vbac way and if I have another baby I will expect to do it again - but I will never feel bad about having a c-section. I just think about having a healthy baby and what an enormous blessing that is.
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