The birth of my first child in 1997, was a much looked forward to event. When my waters broke 2 weeks before my due date, I was delighted. What followed over the next 2 days was repeated intervention, lack of support, and total mishandling of my birth. Becky was born "naturally" with a ventouse, shortly followed by a 3.5 litre haemorrhage, and 2 days in ITU. We struggled to bond, and acute post natal depression followed. When I discovered I was pregnant again 13 months later, I shut down emotionally, and began having panic attacks. The consultant decided I should have an elective caesarian, to combat these symptons, which truthfully I was relieved about.
In 2004 I attended the paramana doula course, with Michel Odent and Lilliana Lammers. This opened pandoras box and all these feelings and desires came out. I now had a real urge to have another baby but to do it differently.
My midwife was very supportive of my desire to have a vbac, although the same could not be said of the consultant. I was absolutely determined to do it my way, so even though I did agree to come into hospital, I brought a doula and a hell of an attitude with me. I was woken in the early hours with soft contractions coming and going, so came downstairs as to not wake Pete. This continued until around 9am when things picked up. I called my doula, Bushra who set out straight away. By the time she arrived things had tapered off, so I walked up and down the stairs, sideways like a crab, sniffing clary sage! My waters popped and things started properly. I stayed at home walking around, talking, relaxing and generally really enjoying my labour. When I felt it was becomming too much we moved the short distance to the hospital, where I discovered I was 8 cms. Hearted by this, I refused all intervention, and encouraged by Pete and Bushra, followed my body and what it was telling me. About 30 minutes after getting to hospital, I felt a strong urge to push, and 3 pushes later Ellie "fell" out of me on the bed. I couldn't believe I'd done it, with so little effort. It was the most wonderfully empowering experience, but I did have to be incredibly assertive at times to get what I wanted.
18 months later I gave birth to James at home, in water, supported by the most wonderful independant midwife in the world. I had no intervention and was encouraged to believe in myself the whole time. It was beautiful getting into my own bed, and greeting my three surprised older girls in the morning when they got up and met their new baby brother.
I am thrilled that I chose to pursue a vbac. It changed me forever, and enabled me to really fulfill myself. It helped me to realise that during the first 2 births I had been let down, not that I had failed.
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