I had planned a water birth in a small local midwife led unit. My waters broke at 3am, and I had irregular contractions all day - several strong ones close together, then nothing for some time, a few gentle ones, and so on. About 8pm I went to hospital in pain and a VE found I was 2 cm. My temperature was 36.1 so I was transferred to a larger hospital, with strong contractions now but still irregular. At 1.30am I was 3cm and asked for gas and air. My husband and I were left alone as it was progressing so slowly. At 2am I told him I was pushing and he pulled the emergency cord. I found the gas and air made me very 'spaced out' and confused about what was happening, there were suddenly many people in the room and I was put on the bed and told not to push. I wasn't sure what was happening until I was in theatre a couple of minutes later, when I was given a general anaesthetic. The emergency cesaerean was performed because the baby's heart rate dropped suddenly, due to the speed of the labour at the end. When I came around I was on intravenous morphine for several days, and had forgotten I was pregnant. I didn't know what the baby was at first, and it took many weeks to properly bond with him. I feel I went through a grieving process for having missed his birth which took years, and is probably still ongoing.
My second son was born a week ago, four weeks early. I had planned to labour at home as long as possible, and had regular contractions 10 minutes apart from when I woke on the 26th May. At 5.30 they became more serious and closer, so we went to the hospital, stopping at Tesco's on the way for premature baby clothes! We arrived at hospital at 6.30, and found I was 4 cm already. My doula arrived at 8, when the midwives had just mentioned another cesaerean. I was near to tears when she arrived, thinking it was going to happen again. In fact, they were happy for me to carry on, and only an hour later I was fully dilated and pushing. During transition I asked for gas and air, but when my husband tried to give it to me I hit his hand away! I avoided telling them I was pushing, afraid they would make me stop, and I was amazed when it was obvious they were letting me do it! The baby, weighing 5lb 13 and healthy, arrived at 9.40. I was conscious and aware of what was going on right through the birth, and the elation of having done it and the immediate bonding with the baby was incredible. He didn't cry at all, but seemed calm and relaxed and fed quickly. As the baby's head crowned I moved from a kneeling position to squatting, which made me tear quite badly. While I was on the bed being sewn up, I had gas and air as well as local anaesthetic, and experienced a flashback to the previous birth which was quite disconcerting, and far worse than the birth itself.
The difference between the two births is indescribable. I was able to care for my second son myself straight away, and have a much better bond with him already. I think the decision to have a doula for the second birth made a huge difference. She was a great support for myself and my husband.
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